Sadness spreads over our souls because we are watching the one we love most on this earth retreat to a place of nearly indescribable pain and inescapable darkness.
Pain pervades our hearts because our most intimate spiritual partner is wounded. We wince at the sharp sting, just as we would if we were injured physically.
Fear creeps in because the depth of this dark place seems unending (Psalm 88). You might even fear that the woman who once shone beauty and delight may never return.
Frustration forms because you alone cannot be enough for them (1 Samuel 1:8), and the one you most dearly desire to please seems to find no pleasure at all.
You might be tempted to think that if you only had the right words you could somehow fix their dark night of the soul. And believe me, they would want nothing more. Indeed, you may feel the pressure to be that quick fix for them. But there are no magic wands, no silver bullets. Even the gospel may ring dull in their ears for now — that most glorious truth that the God of all creation would love them so much that he would send his only begotten and most dearly beloved Son to take on human flesh for them can fall flat. That the King of the universe took on the form of a servant, was tempted and tried yet remained perfect, was betrayed and beaten yet remained steadfast, and had the wrath of hell poured upon him and was killed so that we might have his righteousness may not stir their soul as you would hope.
Even those awesome gospel truths might seem dim to them, like a faded memory or distant dream.
But don’t lose heart! Preach the gospel to them every single day — in thought, in word, and in deed.
Muster your courage and be determined to do nothing short of displaying the character of Christ to them hour-by-hour and moment-by-moment. And when you feel exhausted, run to the cross and receive the power of his all-sufficient grace, which gleams all the more brilliant in our greatest weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). While you cannot talk them out of this dark place, you can lead them through it. By lead, I mean the out-front leadership to which we as spouses are called (Ephesians 5:25–27). Your spouse needs someone to get behind while you storm the gates of hell together. They needs someone who’s willing to take up their cross daily for them, even when he’s at his weakest. They need a spouse who embraces the reality that only the grace of Jesus can sustain both of you in these darkened days.
1) Show them hope when they feel like they have none, because you have hope in Christ (Hebrews 6:19).
2) Give them mercy when they don’t deserve it, because you have mercy in Christ that you don’t deserve (Romans 3:24–25).
3) Exhibit joy when they can’t find it, because you have joy in Christ (1 Peter 1:3–9).
4) Display peace when they only know trouble, because you have the peace of Christ (John 14:27).
5) Demonstrate thankfulness when all they feel is bitter, because in Christ you’ve been given all things (Colossians 3:12–17).
6) Model sanctification when they have no energy to fight sin, because you are sanctified in Christ (Romans 6:17–19).
7) Offer them comfort when they are in distress, because you have received the Spirit of comfort through Christ (John 14:26).
And when you don’t — because sometimes you won’t (Romans 7:19) — remember that God’s loving and patient grace is for you as well (2 Corinthians 12:9). Not even our own failures, accidental or purposeful, can keep us from the riches of love we have in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:31–39). So, when hope seems lost and darkness appears to overtake the light, cling to the cross. When you feel terribly alone because the one who shares a bed with you seems like a stranger, cling to Jesus.
Jesus is your refuge, your rock, your strength, and your stronghold (Psalm 18:1–3). That old rugged cross is the place where you see your Protector, Deliverer, Redeemer, Sustainer, Brother, and Friend (2 Thessalonians 3:3; Romans 7:24–25; Ephesians 1:7; Colossians 1:17; Romans 8:17; John 15:15).
See Christ so that you may show them Christ, my dear friend. And the more you show them Christ, the more Christ will show himself to you.
With Jesus, all things are possible (Philippians 4:13). Even bearing the burdens of your depressed spouse is possible. Jesus is with you as the three of you walk together — when you descend into the dark valley and when you eventually make it through to greener pastures and stiller waters.
